Hi, it’s me. OB! The Middle Aged Wit Guy with a question for you. Was the Lone Ranger a Raging Loner or a Lonely Ranger with a Raging Boner? His mask hides his identity.  

Oi vey, I bought some tea made by a Navy SEAL named Jocko Willink and it tastes like glue. I bought a pair of hiking boots made by a former Delta Force guy turned cobbler, and they fell apart. When I called to inquire about the warranty, I was told the company had closed down. I guess GI Joe went back into the jungle, with my money stuffed in his cargo shorts.

You see, I’m a sucker for veteran-owned businesses. I buy just about everything they make. And they make just about everything.

I was a Navy SEAL…buy my vitamins. OK!

I was an Air Force Captain…buy my bird feeder. You bet!

I was a Coast Guard swimmer…buy my line of pool noodles. Sign me up!

I don’t know why I do this. It’s not out of any sense of patriotic duty. I am not a veteran. My dad, his dad, nor his dad carried a rifle for Uncle Sam. We’ve illegally dodged all service fair and square!

I don’t cry when I hear the national anthem, and I don’t even think I have the Stars & Stripes anywhere in the house. But I do eat hotdogs on the 4^th of July. And potato salad. And Ruffles (they have ridges).

Anyhoo, I’m like a moth to a flame on these veteran-owned products and it makes zero sense to me or my bank account. The products are often over-priced and under-deliver.

I think it’s the authority by which these veteran’s sell. Sometimes it through sympathy which never works on me…

As a veteran who was deployed away from my German Shepard, I know the importance of dog toothpaste!

Sometimes it’s through intimidation. This works on me every time. You know the guy. Jacked dude in a tight t-shirt, arms full of tats, quaffed facial hair, finger pointed to the camera using the required vernacular…

Veteran-Owned!

American Made!

Patriotic!  

Socks!

I don’t know what makes a Green Beret a qualified hat maker, or a Submariner an expert marinara saucier. Being a veteran is not a selling point. I shouldn’t care about who is making the product or where it is even made. I really should focus on price & quality. But I don’t. I’ll buy the Veteran-owned American-made socks over the Chinese made socks because whatever.

This ability to convince the American public to buy a sub-par product at a high price made by someone who really doesn’t come from an area of expertise has given me the idea that I too can make something and convince YOU, THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, to buy it.

Not because I am a veteran. Because I AM A WRITER and have sacrificed years of my life in this dangerous job risking a THN (Traumatic Hang Nail) injury, every time I tap the keyboard with my fingertips, never asking for anything in return except for maybe early boarding on an airplane, free coffee at McDonalds, a lower interest rate on a used car, free health care for life, a podcast of my own, and every now and then when I wear my writer’s hat in public for someone to stop me and quietly say Thank You For Your Words.

Today, that all changes.

Picture if you will my TV commercial!  Similar layout to the jacked & tattooed patriotic sock maker with heavy metal music in the background, but in my case, glasses, dirty bathrobe, and a mouthful of cheese. Beethoven.

Hi. I’m Oscar Barnes,

I’m a writer. And when I’m writing, I eat cheese. Lots of cheese. I eat American, Stilton, and Jarlsberg to name just a few. And so it makes perfect sense for me to start my own cheese company. I’m going to call it Writer’s Block of Cheese…the only cheese invented by a true patriot, an American blogger!

So if you love America, and cheese, and bloggers, then buy my Writer’s Block of Cheese. It is overpriced. Smells like feet. But you owe it to me. Cuz I write werds for YOU, AMERICA!

~OB